


Tales of Boozestiria

by pengiesama



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:16:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14087823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pengiesama/pseuds/pengiesama
Summary: A compilation of fic requests, done while I was drunk.





	1. snowballs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from gabby: episure having a snowball fight

Elysia is on a moutnai n so it has good snow for snowball fights. When mikleo an d sorey were little babies they had so many snowball fights. You don’;t even know. Tgey got so good at snowball fights that the water armatus should';ve been a snowball instead of a bow. THey could hve been like, SIX FALLING SNOWBALLS and snowball voprtex and whatever other attack names there are for the water armatus. I wasn't veyr good at teh zestiria battle system so i couldn't ever get things to happen the way i wanted them to. but that's just life.

elysia

"Sorey " Milkelo said. 'catch thsi

This was after the gam e was over sp and sorey is aowkened and Mikleo is so sexy. h e is always sexy but now So sexy long hair. when he takes it down from his ponytail it's so long that it covers his butt so sorey can't see it. but sorey knows it's still there. waiting for him

like mikleo alawys waits for him.

mikleo waS awalsy so sexy but now sorey gets a boner every time hwwe think s about him. but he always did that. it's a nice boner and miklesoi likes to say hello to it when he passes by. gives it a little pat pat and contines uon his merry way. now they';re having a snowball fight thogub and mikleo throws the snowball an d it hits sorey's boner

"oh shit" said mikleo

sorey was hur t but he was hurt worse in the past and this wasn 't worser. it was prettty nice having mikleo rubbing his wiener to make it feel better so this was maybe the decond best snowball fight they ever had

"mikeslo " said Sorey. "can we be the snowball armatus"

"no that's so fucking stupid" said mikleo


	2. 2d dream fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from nami: "Owl City Fireflies with baby Sorey and Mikleo"

 

I had to look up this musci vidoe cause i've heard the son g before but i didn;t know if the music video was a meme or something that you wanted me to do wiht sormik. i don't think it's a meme but there's some stuff in itt ha tcould be., like he has a button labeled Magic on his keyboard. and a button labeled Foxtrot. and a robot that watches him sleep. waht kjind of grown ass man has that many toys in his room. they're not even good toys liek anime figures. it's shit llike trains and 50s box robots that don't even have big titties to beat off to

so sorey has a keyboard witha maigc button and this ia an AU where soresy is a high school boy who's obssessed with his husbdano froma hit mobile game . miklesoli hubsabdno. sorey has gatchaed so much for him and has ALL his cards. ALL his lewd figures. ALL his hentai doujin. sorey cuddles his husbando body pillow in bed every night and dreams of marrying mikleo after he finsihes beating off 3x to all his lewd figures. he is living that 2D Dream Fever. he listens to vocaloid too because he loves disappointing his parents

ONE NIGHT he is jamming on his keyboard to vcocalopid and he ACIDENTALLY HITST HE MAGIOC BUTTON . OH SHIT

and one of his milkeos comes to life!!!!

"sorey" says mikleo "it's like the velveteen rabbit. you loved me so much i'm real now"

"anime is real" sorey says whiel crying

and then mikleo got humansized enough so he and sorey could fuck on sorey's weird creepy mikleo sheets

wait i'm sorry you said you wanted this to be baby sormik. take out all the stuff about beating off to anime figures and it's baby sormik now

 


	3. mikleo is jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from anon: "Anything where Sorey and Mao are close buds and Mikleo is jealous and its goofy?"

MilkEO is JEALOUS of maotelsu . like he knows that sorey wants only mikles's hot bod. like how could you not. he has it all. those stupid 90s bellbottoms. those stupid 90s anime shoulder pads. a big stupid popped colalr like he thinks he's an anime bad boy but i miss his sexy little belt corset. like who at bamco made the decision to put him in in a coreset. i would want to SHAKE THEIR HAND and take them on a romantic dinner.

but he's not in the corset now :( those stupid fucking should er pads

mikleo is still sexy even though he's in a less sexy outfit. mbut he's jhealoous of maotelus because he and sorey slept together for 700 years or something. not like the sexy slept but the slepey slept. and they talked and stuff and are super tight buds now. maoteulus has got a lot of things like a big dragon butt he can use to sit on things and a supesr cool nmae. maoteslu . like that's just a name yoiu think of when you think of a god you know. and magic fire he can us eahto make peopls and unpopepl to be less bad.. except when they don't want to be less bad. i never got the mechoanciscs of malevaolcne in game and i think tob made it more confuseing . but tob gave us some good stuff too.

back to maotelus

"mikleso " says maotelusa. "did no one told you life was gonna be this way. yyour life's a joke you're broke you're love life'es doa"

"what the fuck why are you talking to me like this" aske mikleo. "that's so mean"

maotelus cry big fat dragon tears like his big fat dragon ass.

"i';nm srory" mao '  
my freicsn ar e all fuckin dead"

mikleo vomfrt him. maoluites might be tight with sorey bu t he has his own problesnm


	4. tentacles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from anzu: "Soymilk Armatus, water tentacles, nsfw."

Sorey and Mikleo have been doing shit for a long time. I mean sex stuff Like they've done it all. Every damn thing. If you name it, they've done it. SO they headaed out from Elsyia to do more stuff. like maybe fuck under a bridge like a couple of mating trolls. but now that Sorey's the shepherd they can do stuff in: the armatus.

they started out with the basic stuff like just beating off with the armatus on but that got boring because sorey couldn't jizz all over mikleo's sweet little pancake titties like he always likes to. sweet cherry pancakes. so they thought about all the other stuff they could do in the armatujs

"we could listen to romantci music and waltz together all night" said sorey

"fucknin lame" said mikleso. " i can make tentacles and fuck our ass"

"oh that sounds good" sorey says

it did sound good but soreey still wantesd to waltz with mikleo. he's pretty gay for him even when he wants to fuck him

they wne t armatus

armauts LUZLOCV RUAYL  
'  
"LUZLOZ RULAY"

amaruts. they stood there and sorey qwas iun his stupid fucking jumpsuit. it's stupid but still pretty sexy though. you can see all his abs in it and i bet you could see his nipples if it was cold. and his butt if that cape wasn't in teh way . sorey took his jumpsujit off and mikleo whipped out the tentacles

"AQUA SERPANTS"   
'  
sorey almost didn';t take all of the tentackl s in his butt but he's really strong and he did it. the tentacles wetn into his butt and fuckes like it was their job. it was their job. thier whole exitens ce was to fuk. it was super sexy but kind of sad too becaus e that's kind of sad. what if threy wanted to be an accountant? instead of a serapnt tahat's fucking sorey and mikleo's shared butt.

anytway they finsiehd and th e awuaq serpant got a college ascholarship to yal e or wherever the fuck accountan ts go. fucking capitliast


	5. smooth criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from nami: "Rose on an adventure" and "SONG FIC. ANY SONG"
> 
> I combined them.

AS SHE CAME INT HROUGH THE WINDOW. WAS THE SOUND OF . A CRESCENDO.

Ros e rushed tin to the window like she was the bat man. she was teh bat man. she's rich and wants revenge. her parents are dead too probabyl. she looekd around at teh crime scene and star ted being a batman detective.

he;d come into her apartment. left the blood stains. on her carpet. she was sittnig at the table . he could she sh. was unable. she ran inot the bedrtoom . and she was stuck down. it was her doom.

rose flipped ;like chun li into the bedroom screaing for her long lost love.

"ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. ARE OYU OKAY ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY> ARE YOU OKAY ANNIE ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY ARE YOU OKAY ANNIE"

annie was on the flooor deader tghan fuck. she was hit by. she was struck by. a smooth crijmnal . rose tenderly cradled her for five mi nutes and then she dropped the body abnd statrtd moving on like the james bond ladykiller she was. not a literal lady killer bc she didn't kill annie but she'd have killed her if she'd got to. like if she was a medusa tits lady who made rain. but annie was dead and rose has gotta move on now and find he r killer

"KEKEKEKEKEKJGSJGHDSJGFKAEUIJKKEKEKEKEKEKEJKEKEK" shriekec lunarre like the annoying fucking piece of shit he is. god i fucking hate him you don't even know. he's the shittiest fucking villain ever and he's fucking obnoxious and his design sux and his voice sux and then they're like, 'oh, let's bring him back for that terrible fucking alisha dlc, acting like people actually give two shits abnout him!' no. mikleo is gonna pop his head like a fucking grape with his psychic powers like in that movie Scanners.

but lunarre is repsonsible for annie's death an dso rose FUCKING KILLS HIM RIGHT NOW BY STABBING HIM WIHT 4986789 7367809436987836789346748376059327968423 t5KNIVES. HE'S DEAD AND IS DEAD IN EVERY UNIVERSE EVER AND THAT STUPID DLC NOW NEVER HAPPENED. annie's still dead but rose will drown her sorrows in alisha's pussy instead


	6. sneeze fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from ruxi: "Epileo forgot how thirsty he is for Sorey until he came back and he is now unprepared for the intensity of his own feelings/reactions"

Mikleo was withoust sorey for like 700 years and he missed him a lot. but when you're without someoe for 700 years tht's a long time. like a really long time. you maybe forget that you think they smell in the mornigns or that they blow their nose way too loud when you're trying to have an important phone call. it was kind aof like that now except everything was SUPER MAGINFIICED cause 700 years is like something you can't even iamgine . you're not a seraph. you don't even know.

the first tieme sorey blew his nose when mikleo was on a phnoe call mikleo screame da the the top of his luingsa and hurled his phone against the wall and was fukcing sorey before he even could know what was goinhg on. like it was 700000000 years instead of 700 or whatever. how many minutes is that./ the rent song will; tell you. then multiply that by 700. you're not paying me to do math for you. you're not paying me at all

"mikleo are you okay" asekd sorey when they got done. 'are you sexually attracted to nose blowoing now'

"no it's like 700 years times my emotions" said mikleo

"it's okay i won't kinkshame you

mikleo thought that was nice of him. then he cried


	7. mpreg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from anon: "bring us sormik mpreg"

"When did i get sdo fucking fat" asked Mikleo

"babe you're pregnant" said Sorey

"when thye fuck did that happene. fuck you."

mikleo was at the part of the mpreg when he'';s having like emotions and cravings and stuff and puking on the walls like he's possessaed by a demon. sorey knew just what to do to mjake him smile for him again. he put on a romantic playlist that he designed just for such an opccasion.

"is this fuckin vocaloid" asked Mikleo

"yeah," said sorey. "the doctor said that listening to vocaloid would make the baby gay"

mikleo started crying happy tear.s becaeuse he knew that sorey would be a great ddad and that he wanted their baby to grow up strong and gay. s trong and gay like their daddies

sorey gave hima bucket of ice cream and told him to go to town and he was happy again


	8. spanking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from george: "Milkyo and Soyboy and Milk dryly mentions the concept or idea of Soy getting spanked and Soy actually begins to want it from Milk. Either the process of Soy getting interested in the idea (and you know, the naive shepherd going OH DANG that's hot) or go right to the point where Soy has to stand there and ask his childhood friend Milkman to slap his ass. Milkman is allowed to say no and do the anime thing where he tilts his head back and is like hmph pathetic but really he just wants him to beg"

Sorey and Mikleo are in a ruin and Sorey fsees and artifiact and he goes to exzmanie it. Mikelo

"Be careful sorey. if you break that artiftact i'll have to take u over my knee"

sorey got a little boner when he said that and when he started thinkin about it more he got a boner for real. mikleo could take him over his knee and spank his butt like he was naughty. sorey wa sa horny naughty boy but he was also a big nerd loser who didn't want to break the artifact to make mikleo spank him. it was very jhard decision ot make with a hard dick.

mikleo saw him blushing and sawq his dick get big in his pants and went like 'hm. could it bew that you're cracing....my mcspankies"

sorey blush anbd yes he asays

MIk,mleo does the shaft head tilt and goes "...pathetic"

mikleso want to spank him real bad too cause its' make his dick also hard. but what makes his dick also hard is hearing sorey beg for ti.

"beg for it lik e the dog you are" say mikleo. but not really. he's scared of dogs

"bark bark mikleo spank me"

mikleo get scared of the barking and run away. sorey's dick is still hard and he's sad


	9. party universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from nami: "Sorey and Mikleo getting drunk and having shenanigans" and "TOZ cast MST adventures with any of your fic" and "write ritual au imbibing"
> 
> I combined them, and I doubt it will make sense to anyone because I haven't posted Ritual AU yet.

 

"do yoiu think the gods remain in heaven beacus e they're afraid of what they created" asked sorey

"shut up. shtuj up shtu jsut shuts up you jsut shu tup." said milkoe "we're gonna. go on an adventure."

"But where," said sorey. as if he didn't know. where the fuck esle could mikeo be talking about

"we;re goin g to go to the party univesre," said Mikleop, tearingi open the fabric of space like it wa s no big thang. it's not a thang. not for this mikleo. he's big and strong an d gay and he does whatever he FUCKING wants.

he grab sorey by ht ecolarl and yeets him into the magic poitral and then yeets himself too. they land in the party univers ana dthe party univers is a BIG FUcKIN RAVE AND EVERYOnE"S THERE> FROM EVER AU. YOU gott the dragon bride au over there. you got the escort AU over there. you got the detective au over there. ypou got other AUs too if you want them to be there. i don't own the other AU s so i can't tell you if they wanna ocme to this rave and do coke off each other's asscheeks

" i like doing opium becaue i'm fucking CLASSY," said mikleo cause he's so mpowerful h ecan READ THE WORDS

so uinstead he di d jello shots off sorey's nipples. all the soreys. ALLOF THE SOETYS AND EVERY NIPPLE


	10. interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from koko-ai: "Someone walking in on sormik having sex"

"sweetie do the two o f you want snacks"

"MOM NO DONT" OPEN THE DOOR" SCREM Aed mikleo

but it was too alte. muse already opened the door an d saw sorey balls deep in her son. mikleo is so meabrassed. they had excused that sorey was here to study and instead of studying sorey was her eto fuck him. couldnn't his mom read between the LINES and know that stusdying was like the code for sex. mileso was so mebaraseesd

muse put her hand to her mouth andlaughs like an anime mom

"oh sweetie you don't have to be embassred. that's how your father and i made you"

"he's in my ass mom"

"that's right. i thought i couldn't get pregnant if your father put it in my ass. but you were a little miracle and here we are"

and then sorey and mikl;eo couldn't really study much after athat


	11. dezel is symbolically blind and actually blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from anon: "dezel (and any other character you choose) barcrawling)"

i jsut gotta talk about how I can't really write dezle? and i don't know why. it's not that i don't liek him but i juts don't get him iguess. like i Get tha he's all abotu revenge but how do you like forget that you acidentally killed like a dozen people cause you were pissed they were gonna stop ginvg you snacks. mayber he blindesnss is suposed to be symbolic but i think he's really blidn also.

"are you for real blidn or klike symbolical blind" ask symone. who also isnb't a great villan unless yuo make he r like a dumb joke. same wiht hedalf./ .zsetira why you gotta do me like this.

dezel remembers that he hates symoens and tries to stab he r. but he's symbolical blind and also really blind and drunk also so the wind makes him miss


	12. lailahsaurus rex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from kisasass: "Please write about zaveid and his flirting attempts!!"

zaveid go up to laialh with a rose between his teeth

"my fear fo roses is a thorny issue and i don't know what it stems from"

he got tha joke froma ceral box and i don't think it really works. becuas ewhy would he be holding a roes betwen his teeth if he's scared of them? zaveid is not a smart man. but it worked becaeuse laialh SCREAMS LIKE A VELOCIRAPTPR and lunges at his face an d fucks him with a bad dragon strap-on. lialha is a dinosaur in this au


	13. tainted AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt from amarietie: "Drunk prompts - tainted AU"

SOERY IS A BIG BAD DUDE. he is the lord of calamity and he is a bad dude. he's wearing lots of eyeliner and swats a glass off the table. maybe that's a cat

he's a bad dude. he looks over at mikleo in his sexy little evil corset and he feels a fluteter of positive emotion in his heart. the emotion of gayness. it is the light in teh d arkness that keeps him from wholly falling to evil

"you're gay" say mikleo

"you're gay" say sorey back

they are in love and it's so beautiful. sorey's eyeliner is so shitty and mikleo loves him anyway. how does he even manage


End file.
